What does it mean when I stalk my friends on facebook and feel depressed and left out instead of happy and nostalgic. There are some people, who I have not seen in a year, who I can read their blogs or whatever and miss them, but feel love and excitement for what they are doing in their thrilling lives. But I just read some stuff on the good-old facebook and mostly feel like crying.
I replaced some friends on my speed dial over the weekend. College friends who I still care about, but never talk to anymore. It would have been better if I'd been replacing them with new and exciting friends, but I wasn't. I don't have a lot of hope for acquiring those new and exciting friends either.
Don't get me wrong, there are some people at work who I really like and its great being closer to my family and high school friends. I've seen my mom and dad a lot lately, which has been wonderful. But I felt really connected to some of my college friends, especially last year. With a place like Iowa State, I really only had to hang out with people I liked. So the ones I stayed connected with are the ones that I have a lot in common with. Like philosophies and dreams, not just place of employment or a hobby or two.
But I'm not really friends with those people anymore. That's the truth of the matter. Glorified acquaintances with a good past, I guess. But it sucks and it hurts. I'm not usually lonely here, but I guess tonight might be a mourning night for friendships that just didn't last.
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