As a part of our 6th grade program, we spend a whole day talking about self-esteem. Today I realized that I have really good self-esteem right now. I'm happy. This may seem like an odd thing to say, but I think it bears announcing. I haven't always had good self-esteem, in fact I think that I may have had bad to mediocre self-esteem for most of my life.
But lately, I feel like things are really going well. I adore my job. My husband and I are doing really well, we are having a lot of fun and getting along beautifully. My relationship with both of my parents is in an excellent place, which has never before been true. Most importantly, I'm accomplishing a lot of goals. Very small minor goals, but its almost like my ideal self and my real self are getting much closer together. (It is generally understood that a person's self-image is made up of 3 parts: the ideal self-who i wish i was, the public self-who i think other people see me as, the real self-who i really see myself as). In the past, I was such a perfectionist that I set my ideal self up as an impossibility and perceived my real self as much worse than it truly was. But now, I'm appreciating the small victories I make, the small steps I take to becoming the person I wish I was. I am also realizing that I will never be the perfect activist, social worker, wife, simple living, carbon neutral super woman of my dreams. I realize that all the things I'm working towards are works-in-progress and always will be. That part of being a good christian/environmentalist/life-partner is the journey of it, that I will always be looking for one more way to get better at it, to do more.
People think that being happy means a constant state of feeling good. This is why none of us believe we are happy. I truly feel that I am happy and content with my life right now. I still have days where I want to strangle my husband and quit my job(violently). But when I stop and think about my life, I am filled with a warm joy through my body and I realize that my life is very very good.
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