Fruits of my labor

Today I had my first experience of eating my own home grown food. I plucked 3 leaves off of my best producing lettuce plant, wrapped them in a napkin and put them on a cheese sandwich at lunch. Unfortunately, my lunch happened in 10 minutes at my desk, while preparing a presentation on birth control for a group of teen parents. So I didn't savor the lettuce. But I did show it off to a few people. My lettuce is really beautiful, I'm going to add some pictures later this week. My peas are podding and potatoes are blooming. Its so exciting!!

Work today was crazy. I had to call DCFS(Department of Child & Family Services) to make a child abuse allegation about a client. This is always good for the working relationship. I also went to a staffing (a meeting where everyone working with a family gets together and makes a game plan) and the mom showed up 40 minutes late and drunk(like comedy movie drunk-hair sticking up, red lipstick smeared across the face). She is someone i had a lot of hope for, but she seems like she is not really ready for sobriety. She desperately wants to stop drinking, but isn't dealing with her mental health issues and has no support system, so when something bad happens she just starts drinking again. Its like she can't help it. But that doesn't matter, she can't have her baby if she can't stay sober(Not that I get to make that call, thank the Goodness). I told my boss today that I can feel myself getting more jaded as the week progresses. I am learning a lot but these are the lessons that occur as you build layers over your heart. Being a social worker does not always line up with my idea of a good person. I want to have complete trust in the goodness of the people i come across and I'm learning not to trust them at all. It is hard to know what the right thing is in this situation. I talked with this particular client yesterday and she tried to turn the phone call into a conversation blaming other people for her situation and tearing them down, and I got really hard with her, saying "This is not what I am in your life for, to complain about this woman. We need to focus on You . You messed up pretty big time this week and its going to take a lot of work to fix this" etc. My bosses were very supportive of putting on my "mean wendy hat" which never gets worn and I know that this woman did not need someone to listen to her pity party saying "oh yeah your life is so bad, i totally see why you got drunk" but its still hard to see myself getting jaded. Not that I'm really that hard, I have to laugh at myself for being worried about it, but I know its a gradual change and its scary that i see it starting.

After a short step back: I know that i am a chronic people pleaser. maybe this is not so much getting jaded as it is letting go of my need to be liked in favor of saying what needs to be said to genuinely benefit someone. I truly believe that love is doing what is best for people, not what they want, but how arrogant is that to think i know what is best for people? Why did i chose such a complex field? I should be in a profession with a straightforward manual, with only one way to do it right.

In other news I talked to a lot of neighbors tonight. Dorothy escaped and as Chris was carrying her home(a hilarious sight I have to say) Arlene next door was in the yard, so I talked with her and her daughter Gail who has foster dogs(how cool is that!)Then Natalie across the street was outside and Chris and I had ice cream with her when the ice cream truck went by. I was taking out the garbage and our neighbors across the alley had their garage open and I ran across to introduce myself like the nerd that I am. Cassie and Mark(i think), who are around our age and have two small kids and don't know a lot of people either. I am really excited, I am making friends! Or at least potential friends. AND my new friend Kasey and I are going to the Ani Difranco concert next month! AND my friend Traci may be moving to town! OK, good, focusing on my well developing personal life has distracted me from my somewhat depressing professional life.